He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
