The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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