just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
