I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
