oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
