i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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