you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like eating out sand paper
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
