Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
