Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
