You work out of a Hotel?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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