how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
