His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
