the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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