you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
