you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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