I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
