We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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