Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
