Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Bring me that man meat
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
