you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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