People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
