Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
