So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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