I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
