Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
