It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
