i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
