I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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