so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
