Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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