Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
