At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
