How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
