I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
