All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
