I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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