The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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