what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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