I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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