My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
