i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
