then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
