It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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