i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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