stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
