My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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