RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
