Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
