I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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