Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
