Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
