Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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