I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
