FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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