Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
