Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
