The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
