Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
