when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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