Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
