as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
