Princesses don't give blow jobs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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