Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
