It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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