It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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