i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
